#101 A Tortured Soul

A Tortured Soul by L.A. Detwiler 

The lovely author got in touch with me via Instagram and asked me to read and review her newest upcoming thriller book, i was very honoured and agreed. I was gifted the E-book in exchange for an honest review.

The story follows Crystal Connor. Crystal is very unassuming, meek and does exactly what everyone expects of her. When she gets pregnant at a young age her mother and father force her to marry the father and when she moves out they wash their hands of her. Crystal is ready for the challenge of being a wife and mother and is happy to be away for her abusive father and god fearing mother. Crystals world comes shattering down when she loses the baby and her husband becomes very abusive both physically and emotionally towards her. Throughout the book we get a good idea of Crystals past as well as present time. At the beginning of the story Crystal is on the cusp of giving birth, when she delivers her stillborn son her husband goes missing shortly after. Crystal lives daily in the fear that he will come back angrier than he was when he left.

I must say this book had possibly the most difficult opening chapters that ive ever read. I read a lot of dark thrillers, domestic violence in books and im typically not triggered by many things but man oh man that chapter was DARK! Im really glad i persevered as that chapter was such a good insight into Crystals state of mind and her marriage. Crystals husband Richard was the actual worst, he gets off on the control he has over his wife and treats her like she is his personal property. I wasnt overly invested in what had happened to him as i really didnt want him to come back.

The twist was fairly expected as the build up really led the reader to the only possible conclusion. There wasnt many other characters introduced so it wasnt really formatted as a 'whodunnit' and i dont think that was the authors intention (i could be wrong?) what this book did was provide an in depth character driven story with thrilling elements. I felt sorry for Crystal throughout but at the same time i didnt understand her as she had so many chances to escape the abuse and didnt take them, her reasons were discussed but i just didnt get it. I cant speak too much into the ending as i dont want to spoil anything but i was very conflicted in how i felt about it but the author didnt take the easy option of an ending which was great.

The writing is descriptive but in the best way as it really gives you a clear vision of where they live and their life in general. I very much enjoyed Crystals inner monologue. The only parts i didnt enjoy were the night time dream chapters as for me it didnt really add anything to the overall story and the other thing was the constant mention of god and praying, that wasnt really for me but other than that it was good, i got through it so quickly in a day or 2. Reminded me of Karen Slaughter so would be perfect for fans of hers.

3.5/5 stars. Thank you again to L.A. Detwiler for reaching out to me!

#100 Q

Q by Christina Dalcher

Before i begin let me just say this book is a ride! Not for the faint hearted thats for sure. I read Vox last year and was instantly sucked in by that Margaret Atwood feminist vibe to it. It also chilled me to my very core as if Trump could get away with that he totally would. Q also felt very trump-esque which was utterly terrifying.

Q is set in a dystopian near future America in which the government are trying to weed out the 'undesirables'. The story follows the story of Elena Fairchild a 40 something teacher and mother of 2 girls, Anne and Freddie (sorry if i spell any of the names wrong, i listened to the audiobook) In this society children are regularly tested to find their quotient or 'Q', school children are given tests to find their Q whereas adults Q are based on how well they perform at work, how they contribute within the community, their family status, how punctual they are etc.  When mothers are pregnant they can test the Q of their unborn child to determine how 'successful' they will be. Only the top scoring children get the chance to succeed in life whether that be to attend the best schools and universities which then lead on to the best jobs. The school system is tiered meaning that the best scoring children attend a silver school, middling children attend green schools and the lowest scoring children attend yellow schools and are sent away from home. The silver schools are better funded with the best teachers and resources.

Elena has 2 daughters, the ever perfect high scoring Anne and middle of the road 9 year old Freddie. When Elena was pregnant with Freddie she refused to have her Q tested and instead forged her daughters score in which to please her husband (we'll get onto him in a minute) Freddie is highly anxious and hates being tested. At the beginning of the book Freddie fails one of the Q tests and is sent away to Kansas to attend one of the lower tiered schools. Elena who does not agree with the Q system makes her mission to get Freddie back.

Malcolm is Elenas husband and i honestly have never wanted to punch a character more in my life. He is the actual worse. The was he favours Anne as she is smarter and has a consistently high Q score. He only cares about his status and not his family. Malcolm will do whatever it takes to keep his family 'perfect' and when that means sending Freddie away it is a price he is willing to pay. Some of his actions in this book made me so god damn angry which is a real testament to how good the writing is. I really despised him!

We also get some interesting side characters in the form of Elenas mother, father and grandmother who are German immigrants who have moved to America. They do not believe in the Q system and Elena's grandmother often likens it to Nazi Germany.

I spent the whole book rooting for Elena and Freddie and was so happy with how it all came together in the end. The chapters are super short which is such a plus for me, it made me fly through it in a day and a half. Ultimately for me this was a book about motherhood and as a mother of a young daughter myself this really sang to me. I related to each and every decision Elena made on behalf of her child and i really felt her pain every step of the way. The story really is fantastically written and Christina Dalcher is one to watch for sure!

#99 Royal Assassin

Royal Assassin by Robin Hobb (Farseer Trilogy Book 2)

Royal Assassin is the continuation and middle book in the Farseer trilogy which is the first trilogy in the 'Realm of the Elderling' series. A brief re-cap, this book follows Fitz Chivalry Farseer who is the illegitmate child to the former king in waiting. He is unable to rule due to being a bastard child but still has enough royal blood running through him to be deemed useful by the king. He is taken on as an assassins apprentice in the first book and the second book follows Fitz as he is becoming a man, he questions whether being an assassin is a good thing and also whether he can have love whilst also keeping the king happy. Fitz developed an ability known as 'the wit' from a young age meaning he can speak with and become bonded to an animal, this ability is frowned upon and Fitz continues to keep it a secret throughout the second book.

The world building and the magic system continued to be excellent, it was even more developed and more detailed in the second book. I enjoyed Fitz' relationship with the wolf, i found this to be really interesting and i became so invested in this relationship. These books are very character driven and i found the second book to be more involved with the politics and the royal court. We definitely got more of an in-depth look into court life.

Another interesting development in this book was that Fitz finally got his girl. Molly returns mid way through the second book and although their relationship is very turbulent they do finally get together. It is Fitz's goal to marry Molly and to be allowed to leave the palace. I like the relationship, ive heard a lot of people hate on it but to me its very found family and routing for the underdog.

I became so much more invested in Fitz as a character in this book, you really feel for him in this book as he goes through so much. You constantly root for him and cheer him on when good things happen as he really does earn them from what he has been through. I really think thats a tribute to the writing that you are able to fall so deeply for this character. I wasnt as into Fitz in this first book as i am now but i attribute this to how much character develop he goes through in this book and you really see him question what he says and what he does.

Fitz' relationship with his uncle Regal is stepped up a notch in this book, just when you thought Regal couldnt hate him any more it gets worse. It made for some tense reading and i must say there are a few trigger warnings for torture and violence. It was reassuring to know that Fitz was going to make it out ok as i knew he features heavily in the third book but oh boy does Robin Hobb make you question everything you thought you knew!

Ive really shocked myself with how much i have enjoyed this series so far, before reading i found it quite intimidating as the books are huge but listening on audio really breaks it up and the voice actors do a pretty good job, they arent my favourite but compared to some other high fantasy audio books namely Game of Thrones in which the audio was terrible ive found them to be pretty good.

#98 Normal People

Normal People by Sally Rooney 

Id seen quite a lot of hype surrounding this book especially since it was long-listed for the Man Booker Prize but i didnt pick it up as it didnt appeal to me (i hadnt looked into it that much but thought it was something totally different than what it turned out to be) It wasnt until my boyfriend was watching the BBC adaptation that i took interest, we watched a few episodes together before i stopped as i knew i just had to read the book instead. I listened to this on audio book from my local library's app and was delighted when the narrator was also Irish as this made it sound more authentic. Being an Irish gal myself im always such a stickler for details and when a book is set in Ireland i like it to be properly Irish, none of this P.S I Love You bullshit. I knew Sally Rooney was Irish herself so knew she wouldnt let me down.

The story is about Connell and Marianne, two highschoolers from Sligo, Ireland. Connell is the perfect working class student, a star athlete and super popular not to mention hes not bad to look at either. Marianne is very wealthy, withdrawn, she doesnt have any friends but is highly intellectual and the top of her class in most subjects and is regularly bullied for being 'ugly and flat chested'. The two meet when Connells mum begins cleaning for Marianne's family at their mansion. Connell picks his mum up from work and the two meet and become unlikely friends. When the friendship quickly becomes sexual Connell is anxious about keeping it a secret from the few mutual acquaintances that the couple share.

With the two competing fot the top grades at school Marianne convinces Connell to apply for a course at Trinity College in Dublin which is highly competitive and prestigious. The story takes place over a number of years as the couple comes together and drift apart. Marianne's life does a complete 180 when she moves to Dublin, she becomes very popular and has lots of friends whereas Connell is struggling to make friends and has found the students in Dublin tend to look down on him as he is a working class boy from the West of Ireland. It was very interesting to see the couple have a role reversal and made for interesting reading.

The book is little under 300 pages so a very quick read and so endearing. I loved both of the characters but in very different ways and their stories made for a perfect coming of age read. I really related to Marianne as i was a bit of a loner in my last few years of high school and i got bullied a lot for being a bit of an ugly duckling, she had a lot of issues and flaws which made her even more human. Her family were the absolute worse, from her brother physically abusing her and her mother acting like she doesnt exist it was harrowing to read. Connell on the other hand was a little unrealistic, i found it hard to believe that he was crazy smart, a great athlete, gorgeous and super popular. I was glad when things became a bit more difficult for him as it made his story much more realistic.

I really enjoyed this story and enjoyed how Irish it was, it was so authentic even down to the slang and the way teenagers speak to each other. It was a homely read and it made me want to pick up every Sally Rooney book for the rest of time.

#97 My Dark Vanessa

My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell 

My Dark Vanessa is a book that has so much hype surrounding it. The book follows Vanessa Wye in a past and present timeline. The past timeline follows Vanessa at 15 years old when she begins a sexual relationship with her English teacher at a prestigious boarding school. The present timeline is Vanessa at 32 as she looks back on this relationship alongside other girls coming forward and accusing the same teacher of abuse. Vanessa deals with a lot of turmoil surrounding this as she believes they were in love and that her teacher, Jacob Strane only had eyes for her. She slowly throughout the book comes to the realisation that maybe it wasnt the epic romance that she thought and that she was in fact groomed and exploited.

The book is powerfully written and such an important subject matter. Dont get me wrong its very uncomfortable reading at parts but its so compelling at the same time. It flows really well and i must say the author has found such a perfect balance between both the timelines. Its so easy to see both sides concurrently as you are reading, you can see how she is being manipulated into thinking shes in control of the relationship and at the same time how she believes that he adores her and that he isnt a paedophile but has found his 'soulmate' that just so happens to be 15. Vanessa is very self aware in the past timeline but she isnt able to stay away or to realise how wrong it is. It was very interesting to see how Vanessa reflected as an adult and still defended him. I just dont think this could have been written any better and going into it knowing what it was about made me really nervous. When i read 'Lolita' a few years ago i hated it, it wasnt just the subject matter but the way it was written, it was romanticising paedophilia and i was so glad that this book didnt do that and it was handled in a better way.

What made for difficult reading was Vanessa's parents reaction to her abuse, they swept it under the carpet and it angered me so much. I understand it being difficult to talk to your child about what they have been through but not talking about it either definitely isnt healthy.

The beauty of this book (in my opinion) was how Vanessa fell for her abuser and even after she realised what he was (evident by the fact that he is unable to sleep with her after shes 22) she still defends him and refuses to come forward with her story amidst the other allegations from other girls. Vanessa goes back and forth constantly and is in almost constant contact with Jacob over the years which makes for interesting reading. I read this in 2 sittings, i just couldnt put it down and i knew from the first 20 pages that it was a 5 star read. It was just SO compelling. I am shocked that this is a debut novel and if the other can handle this subject matter this well then really there isnt anything she cant write. Im ready to see what she comes up with next, i hope its just as dark and she has a real talent for it.

TW: The sex scenes are brutal, specifically the first time they are intimate. It was difficult reading but very well done. I should also mention that they are a lot of trigger warnings in this and if you are remotely bothered by violence or the main subject matter then i suggest you avoid.