#143 A Woman is no Man

 A Woman Is No Man By Etaf Rum

One of my favourite books that ive read in 2021! A Woman is no Man is a story following three generations of Palestinian women in two timelines, one is palestine in the 1990's and the other is Brooklyn in 2008. The books main focus is on these women living in modern day America whilst trying to uphold their Palestinian values. We follow Isra in 1990 Palestine and then her eldest daughter Deya in 2008 Brooklyn, we also get input from Isra's mother in law Fareeda so there are lots of perspectives on how a woman should be within this one tiny snapshot of family life. 

At the beginning of the story we learn that Isra and her husband Adam have both died in what Deya has been told was an accident by Fareeda. I found Fareeda as a character to be highly frustrating, her choices are highly questionable but as the story unfolds and we learn more about her you can see how she has become the woman she is, she was a well fleshed out character and i often wondered if the author had based her on someone in her life as she was so raw, flawed but most of all real. For me the main reason i gave this book 5 stars was purely down to the character building, we learn so much from each of the characters and we root for them all in such different ways. I found myself rooting for Deya and wanting her to get out and to escape the restrains laid upon her by her culture and family expectation. 

Adam was a very conflicting character for me, he does a lot of very wrong things and makes a lot of bad decisions but on the other hand we can see the enormous pressure placed on him by being the eldest son and the pressure for him to provide for his family whilst also looking after his parents and helping them out as much as possible, this was his demise really and what ultimately broke him. I spent the majority of the story hating him but parts of me did feel for him also. Adam was just as trapped as some of the female characters in this story. 

Isra was my favourite character, from the beginning she is destined to marry Adam and to move to Brooklyn. Isra believes that this is her golden ticket almost and when she arrives in America she is shocked to see that she will be staying in a window-less basement in the bottom floor of her in-laws home whilst her husband works long hours. Isra is very unfamiliar with how things work in America and has to rely on her husband to get around if and when he deems it appropriate for her to leave the house. Adam is receiving a lot of pressure from his parents to produce a grandson as soon as possible, after a string of pregnancies Isra ends up only having girls. I found this part to be really hard to read, each pregnancy Isra is praying for a boy just to placate her husband and in laws and she is terrified of his reaction each time she gives birth and its another girl. In this culture Isra isnt allowed to breastfeed her babies in the hope that she will become pregnant again quickly. It was in equal parts frustrating and sad to read. 

Deya is Isra and Adams eldest child and at the beginning she is living with her grandparents and they are raising her and her sisters in the same way that their father was raised, strictly and conservatively following in line with their Palestinian culture. Deya does not wish to be married off at a young age and wants more for herself and her sisters but at the same time is worried about the implications of straying would be and if she could survive on her own. When a stranger reaches out with information about her late mother Deya realises that unlocking secrets of the past can possibly help her make decisions in regards to her future. 

The author has described this book as strength and resilience of women which is the perfect summary in my eyes. This book was really eye opening to me in terms of learning about a different culture and i really immersed myself in that aspect of it. At the same time i realise that i read this book through very western eyes and that it was very easy for me to question why these women made the choices they did and especially why Isra didnt fight harder to get out and escape the cycle of abuse. Its very easy to make snap judgements on someone elses culture when you dont understand. Arab-American culture is so under represented in modern fiction but upon watching a wonderful interview with the author she makes a point to say that this book is not relective of all Arabs nor is it a reflection upon Islam. This book is simply following the story of one conservative Arab family. 

The ending of this book blew me away, i cant remember the last time that I couldnt put a book down before this one. I dont want to say too much in order to keep this review as spoiler free as possible but all i will say is that this book will stay with me for a long time, will be a book that i purchase for others and one that i am sure i will reread many times. I couldnt put this book down, it was honestly an absolute triumph! I would urge every lover of fiction to pick this book up! If i could scream about this book from the rooftops i would. PLEASE JUST READ IT!!! :D