#97 My Dark Vanessa

My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell 

My Dark Vanessa is a book that has so much hype surrounding it. The book follows Vanessa Wye in a past and present timeline. The past timeline follows Vanessa at 15 years old when she begins a sexual relationship with her English teacher at a prestigious boarding school. The present timeline is Vanessa at 32 as she looks back on this relationship alongside other girls coming forward and accusing the same teacher of abuse. Vanessa deals with a lot of turmoil surrounding this as she believes they were in love and that her teacher, Jacob Strane only had eyes for her. She slowly throughout the book comes to the realisation that maybe it wasnt the epic romance that she thought and that she was in fact groomed and exploited.

The book is powerfully written and such an important subject matter. Dont get me wrong its very uncomfortable reading at parts but its so compelling at the same time. It flows really well and i must say the author has found such a perfect balance between both the timelines. Its so easy to see both sides concurrently as you are reading, you can see how she is being manipulated into thinking shes in control of the relationship and at the same time how she believes that he adores her and that he isnt a paedophile but has found his 'soulmate' that just so happens to be 15. Vanessa is very self aware in the past timeline but she isnt able to stay away or to realise how wrong it is. It was very interesting to see how Vanessa reflected as an adult and still defended him. I just dont think this could have been written any better and going into it knowing what it was about made me really nervous. When i read 'Lolita' a few years ago i hated it, it wasnt just the subject matter but the way it was written, it was romanticising paedophilia and i was so glad that this book didnt do that and it was handled in a better way.

What made for difficult reading was Vanessa's parents reaction to her abuse, they swept it under the carpet and it angered me so much. I understand it being difficult to talk to your child about what they have been through but not talking about it either definitely isnt healthy.

The beauty of this book (in my opinion) was how Vanessa fell for her abuser and even after she realised what he was (evident by the fact that he is unable to sleep with her after shes 22) she still defends him and refuses to come forward with her story amidst the other allegations from other girls. Vanessa goes back and forth constantly and is in almost constant contact with Jacob over the years which makes for interesting reading. I read this in 2 sittings, i just couldnt put it down and i knew from the first 20 pages that it was a 5 star read. It was just SO compelling. I am shocked that this is a debut novel and if the other can handle this subject matter this well then really there isnt anything she cant write. Im ready to see what she comes up with next, i hope its just as dark and she has a real talent for it.

TW: The sex scenes are brutal, specifically the first time they are intimate. It was difficult reading but very well done. I should also mention that they are a lot of trigger warnings in this and if you are remotely bothered by violence or the main subject matter then i suggest you avoid.