#124 A Little Life

 A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara 

(Review will contain spoilers so please dont read if you havent read the book yet)

Where do i even begin with honestly the most emotional, harrowing yet stunningly beautiful book ive ever read? A Little Life follows the story of Jude St Francis and his 3 college friends Willem, JB and Malcolm. The book follows the 4 boys into adulthood, we follow the main story which is set in present day New York but we also get a glimpse into each of their childhood and how they came to be the men they are. Firstly i will say that i have never ever in my years and years of being an avid reader become so emotionally invested in a set of characters before, they felt like family to me which made the reading even more harrowing. As we learn about each of the main characters back stories and of their families and up bringings you notice immediatley as you are redaing that we skip over Jude, he is described as mysterious by his friends and all they know if that he doesnt have parents. Jude is not like other guys his age, he doesnt express attraction for anyone, he doesnt have intimate relationships and he doesnt like being touched all that much. His friends have their theories but no one knows the true story of what happened to Jude. 

Jude is very central to the book and his storyline is what makes the story so tragic. Jude had a horrically tragic childhood, he was forced into prostitution from a young age, he was beaten and kidnapped and exploited by someone he though he could trust. After Jude escapes that chapter in his life he is once again taken in and exploited and then run over and left for dead. As a direct result of this Jude walks with a noticeable limp and this makes him very self conscious. From being beaten throughout his young life Jude is left with raised scars of his back and he also has many scars on his arms and legs from the self harm he used as a tool for escape from the terrible things that happened to him. He experiences the horror of being a victim of domestic violence (i think those were the worst chapters for me, it was just so raw and so real and i felt so much for Jude that i couldnt help but let it upset me) This information is fed to the readers through drips and drabs throughout the 700+ page book. Theres also trigger warnings for suicide as well. 

Willem has had a difficult childhood, his parents were very cold and he was raised going through the motions pretty much. Willem was raised with his severely disabled and wheelchair bound brother Hemming. When Hemming passes away Willem loses touch with his parents and moves away for college and to pursue his dream career of acting. Willem is one of the best characters ive ever read about and i feel that he often gets over looked in this story, his compassion and understanding and the way he accepts Jude for who he is and never expects anything from him is just the most beautiful thing and hands down the best friendship in a book ever written. 

JB is an openly gay POC, he is often deribed as the funny one in the friendship group. JB has of all the guys the best home life, he was raised by a mother and his aunts who absolutely adore and empower him. JB is an artist and for a period of time in the book really struggles with drug addiction. I thought this part of the book was so well written and so realistic. JB pushes away his family and closest friends in favour of his addiction and the friends that he has made that feed into that addiction. 

Malcom grew up in a home where his father always favoured his sister Flora and made it known to the entire family, as a result Malcolm works extra hard to earn not only his fathers respect but also his love. Malcolm is an arcitect and is extremley talented at what he does. He is a good friend but always feels as if he is in the background of the story, i never felt like he was a pivotal character or as prominent as the other 3 friends. 

Andy is another important character and staple in this story. Andy is Judes friend and doctor. He is the only person (apart from Willem) that has seen Judes scars and that knows of the pain and the cutting that Jude deals with on a daily basis. Andy often berates Jude and calls him crazy whilst telling him he needs therapy which may seem harsh but it is made clear to the reader that Andy wants what is best for Jude. There are numerous examples of how selfless Andy is in regards to Jude throughout the book, he often drops everything for Jude and he was such an important character in the overall story. 

Harold is a professor of Judes in college and immediately realises how bright he is, the pair become close and Harold invites Jude and his friends to his house for dinner with his wife Julia. This becomes a bit of a tradition and the couple grow very close to the boys over a number of years. Harold and Julia eventually ask to adopt Jude which was possibly the most precious thing and one of the only decent things to ever happen to Jude. How they took him on when he didnt allow them to be physically affection with him or to answer any of their questions was just so wholesome! I think this book has one of the strongest found family dynamics that ive ever read and that was in large part thanks to Harold and Julia. We get a lot of insight into Harold and Judes relationship but i would have liked a few more scenes with just Julia and Jude as i really wanted to see more development of their relationship.

I loved this book, it made me feel things that i didnt ever think words on a page could make me feel. Its a wonderful character driven story and you really get to know these 4 friends and how they interact with each other. The story follows them through the highs and lows of their lives and it just superbly written. 

I think one thing i did struggle with was the structure of the writing, like something big would happen ie. when Willem is in a car accident with Malcolm and his wife Sophie and the next chapter the author starts with some BS that happened 7 years ago, now im all for intrigue but come on now tell me what became of my beloved Willem! Dont just leave me hanging. I can see why the writing has been described as both pretentious and wordy but i got on with it ok and it was no more pretentious that some dark academia books ive read. 

Overall this book was just gorgeous, it broke my heart over and over again but my heart belongs with each and everyone of those characters, for 700+ pages they really felt like friends to me. I dont think ill ever read this book again, parts of it (mainly the DV scenes really messed with my sleep) but i will always look back with such fondness for this book. Definitely up there with my favourite books of all time.